The Kids Are Getting Older. Now What?

There’s a strange stage of parenting that sneaks up on you.

One minute, you’re cutting grapes in half and reminding everyone to put their shoes on.

Then suddenly, your kids can make breakfast, shower without being reminded, Google pretty much anything, and have very strong opinions about clothes, food, hairstyles, music, school and pretty much everything else.

But they still need you.

Just… differently.

The in-between years

They’re not little anymore, but they’re not quite the teenagers you imagined either.

They want more independence. They want privacy. They want to make their own decisions... some of which are questionable at best.

And at the same time, they’re starting to think about who they are, what they’re interested in and where they might be headed.

Wasn’t I just teaching you how to tie your shoes?

Now we’re talking high-school courses? Careers? The future?

Excuse me while I sit down.

School gets different

When they were younger, school felt pretty straightforward.

Then suddenly there are letters in math, science actually requires understanding, assignments get bigger and they're expected to manage more of it themselves.

By Grade 10, you're talking about course choices that can actually connect to future plans.

One of ours is already thinking about an engineering pathway and which courses will help get him there.

The other absolutely loves math... specifically data management.

I don't know if this is normal for her age. I'm choosing to be impressed.

Our role starts shifting too. We're not doing school with them anymore. We're helping them figure out how to navigate it.

They’re becoming their own people

When they were little, we chose most of the books, activities, foods, music, traditions, sports and hobbies.

Now they have opinions.

And interests we definitely didn't see coming:

WWE, The Marvel Cinematic Universe (and currently, how it's all going to tie in to Victor Von Doom in Marvel Doomsday)... Rocket League tournaments and Roblox Obbys.

Whatever it happens to be.

That's one of the fun parts.

Finding things we still do together

One question that crosses my mind sometimes is: Will they still want to do things with us?

So far, the answer is a very enthusiastic yes.

They're still happy to spend time with us. We still go to the park. We still do family outings. Nobody seems particularly eager to escape.

I'm sure that will change eventually. That's part of growing up.

But right now, I'm enjoying it.

Family time doesn't have to mean entertaining little kids anymore, either. The scavenger hunts can be more complicated. The games can actually get competitive. We can watch movies that aren't animated. We can try recipes, explore places, watch a series together or just end up having some completely ridiculous conversation in the car, at the dinner table, or at 10:30 p.m. when someone is supposed to be in bed.

Those moments are probably my favourite.

Teaching them how to be good people

After years of teaching the basics, you start to see some of it come back to you.

We've always talked about being genuinely kind... helping when you can, not joining in when someone is being picked on, staying out of friend-group drama, and being the friend who helps rather than adds to the gossip.

And now we're starting to see those lessons show up in real life.

That's pretty rewarding.

The conversations change too

I've never been particularly interested in talking down to my kids. When something matters, I talk to them like they're capable of understanding it.

And yes, I'm a Trini mom. We're known to have a special tone sometimes that makes you rethink every decision you've made since birth. 😂

But when it comes to important things, I want them to understand why, not just know that Mom said so.

Our rule has always been simple:

Tell me the truth.

You won't get in trouble for telling me what actually happened. We can work through a bad decision, fix a mistake and figure out what to do differently next time.

I can't help if you're hiding it from me.

And after all these years, the conversations are easier. There's less embarrassment, less hesitation, and more “Here's what happened.”

There may still be consequences. But the truth is always the best place to start.

Because ultimately, when they're out in the world and something goes wrong, I don't want their first thought to be, “Oh no, Mom is going to kill me.”

I want it to be:

“I better call Mom. She'll know what to do.”